Alternative Frequently Asked Questions about travelling in Namibia
(Alternative FAQ)


Q: Does it ever get windy in Namibia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Windhoek - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand and four hundred kilometers. Bring lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Namibia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes…

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Namibia? Can you send me a list of them in Windhoek, Swakopmund, Oshakati and Luederitz? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in Namibia? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Katutura. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Namibia? (USA)
A: Face east and then turn 90 degrees to your right. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Namibia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Katutura, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Namibia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Africa? (USA)
A: Any place where significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Namibia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Namibia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Namibia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: I have heard it’s always hot in Namibia. What can I do to keep cool? (Austria)
A: Come naked except for sunglasses.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Windhoek and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of carnivorous hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Namibia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Namibian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in Namibia in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Walvis Bay. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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